When Gossip Becomes Narcissism: The Social Climber’s Hidden Game
Have you ever noticed how some people seem to climb the social ladder by tearing others down behind their backs?
It’s not always loud or obvious—but it’s damaging. Gossip, when used as a weapon, becomes more than idle talk. It becomes a tool of manipulation, and in some cases, a sign of narcissistic behavior.
In this post, we’re unpacking how gossip can reveal narcissistic social climbing, the psychological tactic of triangulation, and what the Bible says about the spiritual consequences of a gossiping life.
What Is a Narcissistic Social Climber?
Not all gossipers are narcissists—but some use gossip strategically to manipulate, elevate themselves, and gain influence.
A narcissistic social climber is someone who:
- Constantly seeks admiration or status,
- Uses people as stepping stones,
- And often builds themselves up by tearing others down—especially in private conversations.
Gossip becomes their currency—used to shift group dynamics in their favor, discredit others, and create alliances that serve their personal agenda.
A 2014 study in Personality and Individual Differences found that people with narcissistic traits are significantly more likely to engage in malicious gossip to control social hierarchies.
How Common Is It?
Gossip is a part of everyday life—but not all gossip is negative.
A 2020 study from UC Riverside found that the average person gossips about 52 minutes per day—yet only 15% of that is negative. However, among those with narcissistic or manipulative tendencies, negative gossip is far more frequent and often intentional.
While casual gossip may involve venting or storytelling, narcissistic gossip is strategic, rehearsed, and aimed at controlling perception.
The Weapon of Triangulation
One of the most toxic forms of gossip is rooted in a tactic called triangulation.
What is triangulation?
It’s when one person (the gossiper) brings a second person into a conflict or judgment about a third party—without that third person’s knowledge or input.
It looks like:
- “I probably shouldn’t say this, but… you should know what she did.”
- “She’s so fake, I feel like I can only trust you.”
In this setup:
- The listener feels special or chosen.
- The target is silently judged or isolated.
- The gossiper gains control by crafting the narrative.
This tactic builds false intimacy between the gossiper and the listener—bonding through shared disdain or criticism. It’s emotional manipulation, disguised as vulnerability or “concern.”
What the Bible Says About Gossip
The Bible is crystal clear: gossip is not just a sin—it’s a spiritual disease that corrupts both the speaker and the hearer.
Gossip Destroys Relationships
Proverbs 16:28 (NIV):
“A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.”
Gossip breaks trust and sows division—even in churches and close-knit communities.
Gossip Corrupts the Soul
James 3:6 (NIV):
“The tongue also is a fire… it corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.”
Gossip doesn’t just hurt others—it sets the gossiper’s own life on fire. It defiles the person who speaks it.
Gossip Is Betrayal, Not “Sharing”
Proverbs 11:13 (NIV):
“A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret.”
Even when disguised as concern or “venting,” gossip is a betrayal of trust and a violation of integrity.
The End Result: The Gossip’s Trajectory
What happens to people who live by gossip?
Proverbs 26:27 (NIV):
“Whoever digs a pit will fall into it; if someone rolls a stone, it will roll back on them.”
Gossips eventually fall into the very traps they set. Their relationships fall apart. Their credibility erodes. And spiritually, they face God’s correction.
Galatians 6:7 (NIV):
“Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.”
A lifestyle of gossip and manipulation always bears fruit—but not the kind you want.
The Better Way: Choosing Integrity Over Influence
You don’t need gossip to feel connected. You don’t need to tear others down to rise up.
God offers a better way:
- Honesty over manipulation.
- Grace over judgment.
- Mercy over pride.
James 2:13 (NIV):
“Mercy triumphs over judgment.”
If you’ve been tempted to gossip—ask God to heal the root. If you’ve been hurt by gossip—ask God to restore what was broken. And if you’ve built friendships through triangulation—be brave enough to change the foundation.
Final Thought:
Gossip might give a quick sense of control or belonging—but it always leads to brokenness.
Let’s be women who build, not break.
Who speak life, not shade.
Who choose mercy over manipulation—because that’s the kind of life God blesses.
